canine self-esteem

michael's mother has been after him once again to get his crap out of her basement and this time he's actually doing it. i thought it had been done already, but no. no, no, no. so he shows me the Parade magazine from 12/29/96 which covered the "best and worst of everything" that year to point out madonna and carlos leon, ted kaczynski, the yankees first world series win in many, many years featuring the rookie derek jeter who received 200 fan letters a week (i wonder how many he gets now?)

so i'm looking through the best and worst of everything and i come across the "best canine self-improvement" category. its true, this is a category, or at least it was in 1996. the winner was "neuticles" - cosmetic canine genitals designed to make dogs and dog owners feel better about this life change. no joke. so i think this is hilarious and laugh about the existence of these implants back in 96 assuming that they don't exist in 2007. but i was wrong - neuticles are going strong.

i couldn't resist the sizing and pricing guide, which contains pictures i might add. the most fascinating part to me was the equine & bulls option. is that so rodeo dudes can make it beyond luke perry's 8 seconds? do the fake balls hurt when strung up by a rope that is twisted up and over their body? disturbing yes, but i smell a rat.

maybe even more disturbing is the fact that you can order these little orbs on the website. who is installing them? ok, i watch gray's anatomy too - who is implanting them? oy! check out "surgical procedures" and it could be you. wow.