mama scrooge

today i am once again confronted with the fact that i am a miser. and not with money. with things that i love. it took me a long time to become conscious of the fact that i would burn my yankee candle beach plum candle down only so far, or indulge in my see's toffee bar candy to a certain point, or smear my body shop mango body butter on my dry skin until there was just enough left - but i do. these aren't expensive things. these aren't even irreplaceable things. i have no idea what my problem is, but i do it. over and over. the sad thing is that the candle gets filled up with sticky dust, the toffee goes bad and the mango butter dries up. i am saving it for nothing.

so, this time i caught myself. and this time it might be one of my most irrational items ever - the pre-soaked witch hazel pads from the hospital. or tucks pads as the rest of the world knows them. as a sidenote, i did not know that this is what tucks medicated pads were, my husband had to point that one out to me. the hospital stuff that you get is all generic so i never really consider it something that i can get up the street.

anyway, i realized that i was not using these little pads - even though i really wanted to - because my supply was getting low. can you even imagine that? i can't and i'm the one doing it. at any rate, once i caught myself - and confessed to my laughing husband and mother - i started using them with impunity.

i've moved on to nursing pads now. they are $7 a box which i keep reminding myself every time i consider re-using a thrush covered pad. what's thrush you ask? oh that's another post for another day. when i have the energy.

home sweet home?

today we got to leave the hospital and head home. eek! we haven't forgotten our first night home with bridget, which was absolute pandemonium, so we are a little bit nervous. it is strange because you want nothing more than to leave the hospital, but there's such security there that you wouldn't mind moving in for a month or so. like i said - eek!

so, since we are leaving, we got to stock up on all the post partem goodies we could fit into the nice new diaper bag they gave us.

first and foremost, the little squeeze bottle that is mandatory for the survival of anyone who has given birth - save you c-section chicks.

second - and almost as equally important - is the container of witch hazel soaked pads and diflucan to soothe the, er, stitches.

next - colase

fourth - special gauzy underwear. i loved it the first time and realized why this time during the cramping period. these are the greatest things in the world because you need underwear but these put NO pressure on your stomach at all. this is important because any pressure whatsoever can result in the return of the wickedly vicious "afterpains."

fifth and so on - all the diapers, pads, wipes, alcohol prep pads and onesies that we had left.

no room at the holiday inn

i've decided that i don't have due date, i have a capacity. once a baby hits 7 and a half pounds, there is no more room. bridget was 7 pounds 7 ounces and 20.5 inches and andrew was 7 pounds 8 ounces and 21 inches. he expanded the space by 1 ounce and a half an inch but that's that.

the funny thing is that i can feel it. its always right around the time where i start to think that my stomach is going to explode and that it couldn't possibly get any bigger. apparently, i am right.

day #1

the second thing i was dreading was the day after cramps. i shouldn't even call them cramps because you think that you are dying, but i guess that's what they are. basically, your uterus contracts to reduce back to a normal size and this hurts. so, there they were ripping through me as expected.

a little discussed fact is that these contractions hurt much more with your second child than they did with your first. since they hurt enough the first time, i didn't like this bit of info that every nurse told me as i took the percocets. it was too late now though however, the main reason that i don't think i will have any more kids are these "afterpains." they really freaking hurt.

other than these, i felt great.

its a BOY!!!

Andrew Vincent was born at 2:00 AM on the nose weighing in at 7.5 pounds. 21 inches long.



the second time around was WAY easier. the pushing lasted for about 15 minutes and was hard to do because the epidural was stronger this time and i could feel NOTHING. which is good in a lot of ways, but bad for effective pushing.

we had great nurses and a great doctor - who has a daughter named bridget - so it went by pretty fast. once i got the epidural that is. that is actually one of the 2 things i was dreading the most - getting the epidural. it terrifies me and i'm sure that my blood pressure shoots up during the whole procedure because i am totally freaked out. that being said, i can't imagine not having one. they don't scare me as much as natural childbirth.

i could totally have a silent birth BTW. i can't imagine screaming and yelling.

it WAS the night

but not for puking. last night was the night for water breaking. so, twice now i have had my water break but not really. its a very strange thing. something happens. and i am aware of it but its not the sort of blow out that comes to mind when you think about water breaking. in fact, both times the water break was so non-existent that they do this test to see if it has broken - it had - and then end up breaking my water for real - and there ain't no mistaking that break - about 24 hours later. so odd.

by the by, i am cheating and writing this one month later. i am going to do my best to recreate the first few days/weeks way after the fact. i just haven't been in the mood - and i'm still not - but i don't want pk all over my arse.

anyway, tuesday - ahem, today - was a strange day. i called the doctor in the morning to tell them that something had gone down at about 3 AM but i wasn't sure if it was the real deal. i felt like a fool because i had been through this before and should know what is going on, right? wrong. so they tell me to see if i'm still "crampy" at 10 or 11. and i wasn't. then at noon, the cramping started up again. it seemed pretty random so i wasn't that worried. by the time 3 PM rolled around, i was getting a little worried. but i still wasn't sure that i was in labor. it seemed like it should have been worse.

oh, a minor addition to the day is that michael showed up at work - after his first sick day ever - to find out that his boss and several others had been fired and that we were no longer going to chicago (can you even believe this?) because they were giving him new england as his territory. just a little bit of information to digest between contractions.

thankfully i was on the phone with agpie's mom - i should really have these references as links but i don't remember how to do it - telling her that we weren't moving who took it upon herself to track when i had to stop conversation because my stomach hurt. after about 20(?) minutes, she says 'alright, that's 3 times in 20 minutes. call your doctor. i'm calling mom and telling her to get out there now.

good thing she was on top of things. the doctor told me to come in immediately. ut oh. my mother was 1.5 hours away and michael was working away. i tell him to get home IMMEDIATELY. immediately seems like and eternity and i try to clean up a bit and get everything ready for my mother's stay here with bridget. it didn't go so well since the contractions now made me stop in my tracks. a little late for nesting but what can i say.

we finally head out - in traffic, thank you very much - and my mother ends up beating us to the hospital. they admit us and off we go to have baby #2.

tonight's the night

if we make it through tonight without getting sick, then i think that bridget and i will remain unscathed. you see, our wonderful, hard-working husband/daddy came home - whew! - on saturday afternoon and got very sick on saturday night. the kind of nasty sick that seems to hit in the middle of the night when you are innocently sleeping and leaves you laying half-dead on the bathroom floor.

as it turns out, this guy that he works with had a "virus" on thursday night and passed it on to michael at their phone-filled - and therefore germ-filled - booth. they initially thought it was food poisoning but now it appears differently. i for one, i am terrified. i can only imagine that being violently ill hunched up over a toilet will induce labor - and forget about the pushing and all that jazz. i'm sure its happened to some poor people but really, how horrible?

so, please, say your prayers for me tonight.

oops, i did it again

no, i didn't drop bridget on her head and take her in for stitches. the babysitter did and then i drove with her on my lap to get stitches. ha! no i didn't do that either. i just realized that we are bringing another little person into the world that we are completely responsible for and i can't believe the nerve of us.

do you know how hilarious it is that i am a parent in the first place? my husband and i talk about this all the time - and if my kids ever do read this down the line, they will realize that we aren't the all-knowing people we have led them to believe we are. look away bridget and ???, i'm just joking!

anyway, as baby #2's arrival is imminent, i am thinking about it even more. who do we think we are? half the time i still feel like i am a kid and we have the nerve to have kids? this concept initially hit home when we told one of michael's best buddies that we were having a baby (baby #1) and his reply was - wow. so you've got it all figured out.

uh, no. and if we'd had this conversation before we decided to have a baby, maybe we'd have waited. we don't have anything figured out. except that we want to have kids and think that we have a good shot of raising happy, hopefully healthy, nice and normal people - which seem to be in short supply these days. we don't have college all saved up for yet or even a house - through some sick, sick twists of fate. do you think that some people do have this figured out? i walk down the street and see other couples with kids and i assume that they know what they're doing but they're probably just like us. winging it. although, there must be some people out there who know exactly what they're doing, it just isn't us. i wonder if we're fooling any of them? that would be something.

i have no idea why i am mentioning this. probably because i am about to be reminded daily - and nightly - for at least 6 months that i haven't done much in the "figuring out" business since miss b was born and i am just realizing it.

oh yeah, my husband's buddy and his wife took our cue and are expecting their first in july. or maybe they did end up figuring it all out and didn't tell us. they'll know the truth in july though!

and the oscar goes to...

okay okay, so i was a little dramatic yesterday. sorry about that. i made it through last night and today and i suppose the truth of the matter is that i don't think this baby is coming before may. if michael were home, then i wouldn't even begin to think that it might happen. i've just decided a la murphy's law that it would be my luck that this baby is going to bust out of me while he's half way across the country.

the good part of this is that i am so worked up about michael missing the big event that i haven't even begun to worry about the pain of it all. its all logistics at this point.

also, today i was thinking that a far worse worst case scenario would be not making it to a hospital and having to deliver the baby myself. the sick part is that i have a gigantic bookmark in one of my books that explains what to do if this happens. THAT is how paranoid i am.

incidently, i parked on moon street again.

The Worst Case Scenario Survival Handbook to Childbirth: Mano a Mano

3 weeks - technically - to go and my husband is in chicago. not good. i had my doctor's appointment today and she told me that i shouldn't worry and i should make it to saturday. should? can we get a little more concrete here? oh yes, and i should NOT go to the gym until michael is back in town. i could've done without that should.

so now i am paralyzed with every kick - and there are a LOT of kicks - and movement i feel. i just tried to wash the dishes and when i was standing there the pressure was so crazy that i canned it and decided to come in here. dishes be damned. i am terrified that this is going to go down while michael is away.

i suppose i should just start thinking of the worst case scenario and deal with it. because the worst case scenario isn't THAT bad, right? i mean, let's face it, i'm doing the bulk of the work here. michael's job is to hold my leg and count to ten 3 times per contraction. other than that, i've got labor covered - assuming i'm in a hospital. and assuming there are two people available to hold my legs. the post-natal responsibilities are pretty important though so i'm not going to think about that just yet.

alright, Worst Case Scenario. here's the game plan

1. i call michael and tell him to get his butt home.
2. i call my mother to come and take care of bridget.
3. i get dropped off at the hospital by ?my mother? my father? stacey? hard to say but you aren't supposed to drive yourself so someone else needs to handle this.
4. get an epidural and take a nap until its time to push
5. have the baby

no problem. i have no idea what i was so worried about.

things i need to remember...
to tell my mother where i parked the car (moon street)
to have someone get michael from the airport and shuttle him to the hospital (his parents)

there are lots more but if i actually wrote down the level of detail of my back-up plans you would all know just how crazy i am at this point in time. i'm going to go and officially pack the hospital bags now.

head trauma - take 2

as luck would have it the dissolving stitches didn't dissolve and i had the pleasure of bringing miss b to the doctor's office today for a little suture removal. it seems that she has a pretty good memory of being pinned down by her mother while a nurse holds her head and someone else comes at her with metal instruments. it was very sad to witness all over again - although thankfully it was quicker - and she was very pissed off. very pissed.

now when you say the word "boo boo" - oh its a word - this is the face you get.

marathon monday

woo hoo! the boston marathon was run today. an american came in 3rd - and maybe 4th. we aren't quite sure because a german guy was on his tail as they turned onto boylston street. i have a feeling he may have ended up in 5th. anyway, i'm impressed. i'm actually impressed with the person who comes in 1,367th and 5,452nd and last for that matter. anyone who can run that far is a bad ass. and let's face it, the boston marathon is the best marathon, right? of course i am completely partial but what others have a heartbreak hill?

patriot's day is one of my favorite days in boston - now that i'm thinking about it, its probably my one favorite day here. you start off in the north end with paul revere galloping - fast - the entire route of his ride shouting "the regulars are coming" at the top of his lungs. i've lived here for 9 years so far and he's run by my window every year. as you can imagine, the first year was the craziest since i didn't even know about this little event and i was getting ready for work and heard a horse running up the road.

if you're lucky, you then go to the red sox game at 11. unfortunately, i've only been that lucky twice, but its really great to go to a game so early in the day. its even better because the game is timed almost perfectly to end with the arrival of the runners in kenmore square and you can spend an hour or so cheering them on. its the best. everyone is happy and friendly for an entire day.

blood suckers

there is a rogue mosquito loose in this apartment. it feasted on me last night. better me than the badooga i suppose, but it sucks. my feet and ankles and forearms have a nice little smattering of bites. the worst part is that i saw it the other day buzzing around my head and tried to get her half-heartedly. now its war. i can only hope that the fact that we will be gone for a couple of days will cause her to starve.

the question is, where in the world did it come from? its too early for this. not to mention, i haven't opened any windows that don't have a good solid screen on them - sadly only 3 of the 8 windows in this place can boast a secure screen. have i mentioned that i can't wait to get out of here? anyway, i can't figure it out. also, there are about 10 mosquitoes in the city, so why is one in here?

on another note, welcome new sister blogger - blawgermom.blogspot.com - i will add the link once i figure it all out again. but - PK - your wish has been granted. she's on!

buon appetito bambini!

last night bridget had her first date. it was quite an event. the little chap had good taste and chose il panino. the couple dined on ziti in a red sauce, bread and water while their mommies had some caprese salad, prosciutto di parma, cheese ravioli and gnocchi. yum yum.

once PK gets home and sends me some of the pics, i will post them because there are some cute ones!

the date ended with some chocolate gelato for miss b and breast milk for mr steven. oh yes, and a hug and a kiss.

ER

today we got to experience our first - and hopefully last - trip to the emergency room with bridget. after witnessing a very uncomfortable scene with michael's sister and brother-in-law, we had agreed that when this day came we wouldn't bother being annoyed at the accompanying parent's potential temporary incompetence since they would feel bad enough. anyway, i mention it because i was really happy about our deal since she suffered the stich-worthy injury at my hands.

so here's the scoop, saturday was going to be an all-business errand day. we were actually ahead of schedule to get to costco at 9:30 and therefore out of the evil plaza by 11 or 11:30 at the latest. so as part of the plan, bridget was going to shower with me. this has been the mode of washing her these days since i can no longer bend and give her an actual bath with the basketball baby in utero. the crazy thing is that i almost didn't do it. i even asked michael when he brought her in if we should just fill up the tub and he could give her a bath. no, we decided, let's just get going. then, we finish and i almost call in michael to grab her and take her to her room to get dried off and dressed. no, i decided, i may as well do it. STOOPID.

so as i'm holding her hand so she can step out of the shower and over the 6 inch high step that is topped with a marble slab, her foot slips and she hits her head on the marble slab. truly, i couldn't possibly pick out a worse place for anyone to hit their head in this apartment. michael runs in because i am pretty sure i say OH MY GOD loudly - and maybe repeatedly - enough to scare him and i tell him - she hit her head on that thing - as i pull her off of my shoulder to look at the inevitable bump there is blood everywhere. i can't even tell where the source is. and the fact that we are both wet is only diluting the blood and making it seem worse. so i'm standing there freaking out and i start barking orders. how annoying.

i need a wet washcloth.
the poor guy gives me a purplish one soaked with seemingly scalding hot water.

i need a COLD, WHITE, WET WASHCLOTH.
as if this were covered in chapter one of required reading to become a parent. for all i know, i made it up.

i need ICE.
he gets it.

you need to call the doctor's office and tell them that bridget hit her head, she has a gash on her forehead that is 1/2 an inch long and might need stitches. the number is 617-xxx-6000.
i am fairly certain that i was really annoying, but i was all business. did i really just know the number? i can't imagine what i would have done if i were home alone. wet and naked and 9 months pregnant - sorry for the visual, but thats the facts. it would have been very ugly. it was ugly enough as it were.

so they send us to children's hospital and off we went. we got right in and didn't have to wait at all. the stitching part was rough. even though they promised me that the cotton ball that was on her head was soaked with numbing stuff and she couldn't feel anything, i didn't believe them. i think it hurt and she screamed bloody murder the entire time. it was horrible.

although, she actually didn't cry at all aside from when it initially happened (until i stopped trying to apply pressure to the wound) and during the stitching. she is a toughie. i still can't get over the fact that this happened even though i was holding her hand the whole time. i have finally stopped seeing it happen over and over though. poor little bella boo.

i have to say though, a trip to the children's hospital puts things in perspective. not to minimize bridget's ordeal, but 2 stitches is a bump on the head when you see some of the very sad stuff there. even though someone might be heading home, you still want to cry when you see that they are leaving with 2 suitcases because you can only imagine how long the kid was there to require 2 suitcases of stuff. like i said, i hope it was our last trip there.